Today almost sucked.

I’m continuing to battle this nasty respiratory thing.  My lungs are no longer hurting, which is great, but I’ve been left with a dry, hacking cough.  There is very little relief that isn’t extremely temporary at this point.  Lozenges help for a couple minutes. Water helps for a couple more.  Still, it’s been non stop action at work as I enter my final week in Sierra Leone.  It’s going to be a busy one. 

This cough has kept me from getting a solid night of sleep for a few days.  I’m exhausted and feeling quite run down.  Last night, I woke up in a pool of sweat at 4am.  I got up to rehydrate myself and could barely breathe with all the coughing.  As I checked my phone for the time, I saw a message from Jeremy. The message was sent four hours earlier to inform me that my mother had an accident at work.  She tripped over some electrical cords and dislocated her shoulder in the fall.  She was taken to the hospital and had to be put under in order to get her shoulder reset.  

Here I am at 4am. Tired. Dehydrated. Sick as shit. And now wide awake at the thought of my mommy getting hurt on the other side of the world.  

Good luck getting back to sleep after that!!!!

I message Jeremy for an update, he tells me he spoke to her earlier and she sounded alright, likely because of the pain meds.

My mother is 65 years old, her health is a constant worry for me.  She never seems to be truly well and it’s like pulling teeth to get information from her.  She is not the picture of health on a good day, neither of my parents are, but she’s had an exceptionally rough last few months.   Still, being near her, I’m often the one who meets her at the hospital following medical procedures.  I’m happy to hear that my sister was able to meet her, but sad that I wasn’t available for her when she was likely scared, mostly alone and in so much pain.

At 4am, so many thoughts go through my mind.  I try to stop thinking but it’s obvious that sleep is out of the question.  I get up to shower at 6:30am, go for breakfast at 7am, and prepare for a day of workshop facilitation for 50 of our local staff members. 

The first workshop starts at 9am.  I’m co-facilitating with Claire, but I have the first half of the session.  About 20 minutes in, I break into a coughing fit and have to stop for water.  

I get that awful feeling you get when your throat is so dry and you can’t stop coughing.  My eyes start watering and I feel like I’m going to throw up. Awesome.  I somehow get over that and continue to facilitate while still feeling incredibly nauseous.  After a little while, I ask Claire to take over.  I sit for a while. Exhausted. Sick. Nauseous. And I start worrying about my mother again.  

This sucks. 

I’m trying to keep it together but eventually have to leave the room for some air.  I start to feel better and go back in just in time for our small group breakout.  I walk around helping everyone with their discussions, start coughing again and have to leave. This goes on for the next hour and a half before our first session ends. 

I start to feel better during lunch, and opt to stick around for the second session. 

I make it through my whole speaking part before getting sick again.  Then it’s a repeat of the morning session until we finally finish at 4pm. 

I somehow manage to keep it together enough so that the local staff don’t notice how sick I feel.  They are amazing and I want them to get whatever they can from our sessions together.  If they knew how sick I was, they would have turned their attention to taking care of me.  That wouldn’t be good for anyone. 

By the time we clean up, wait for the driver, pack the car and go home, I have about an hour to rest before dinner. 

My colleague and I planned a team appreciation dinner for our local staff for tonight.  It has been difficult for everyone since the staff reduction, where 3 of 7 were asked to stop working in the ETC and be on standby.  We decided to invite all of them out for a nice “family meal” in order to celebrate the overall accomplishments of the psychosocial/community health team.

Our team doesn’t always get along well with my colleague and I know that being sick tonight is really not an option.  So, despite having a somewhat miserable day, I get dressed and ready to go.

But first, a phone call to my mother.  

She doesn’t recognize my voice and immediately gets concerned when she realizes it’s me and how sick I sound.  She asks about the doctor who contracted Ebola and is now in the US, the nurse from the UK with Ebola and my colleague who recently went home with malaria.  I guess she has just as much reason to worry as I do.  I speak to my dad briefly, he starts crying and hands the phone back to my mom, who is also crying now.  I’m happy to hear that she is feeling alright, and I tell them both that I love them and will see them soon. Time to drag myself out of my room to the waiting car. 

Today continues to suck. 

We arrived at the restaurant and wait for the rest of the team to show up. When they get there, they thank us for the opportunity to have this meal together and begin with “the program”.  I’m laughing as I realize they have used this opportunity to say an early goodbye to me and my colleague, as it is unlikely we will all be together in one place again.  Listening to the agenda of this program, I’m not really sure how this meal is going to go. Still, we are all in good spirits….on with the program. 

We open with a Christian prayer by Ernest, followed by a Muslim prayer by Adbul.  One of the most beautiful things I’ve experienced in Sierra Leone is the freedom to practice your religion.  Sierra Leone is approximately 70% Muslim and the remainder is mostly Christian (with a few others).  There is no division between the two, both are respected equally and they pride themselves on that.  Meetings usually start with either a generic prayer, or one of each.  

After the prayers, we move into the “do’s and dont’s for Sandra”.  This is where we go around the table and each member of the team gives me their impression of me, a brief summary of our experience together, things I do well and areas of improvement.  This is done with nothing but love and so, although somewhat nervous, I embrace the process and sit back with a smile. 

Michael is up first. 

“Sandra is beautiful.  She is really beautiful.  She is truly a beautiful person, on the outside but also on the inside…”

So far, I like this part of the program. 

I sit there quietly, taking in every beautiful word spoken.  You rarely get the opportunity to hear what kind of impact you’ve had on someone or what impression you’ve left with them.  This open sharing of gratitude is overwhelming.  I receive every word with an open heart and a big smile.

“You could never know Sandra just by looking at her.  You wouldn’t be able to understand her depth and passion and knowledge if you judged her solely by her appearance…”

“…Sandra is a very curious person. She asks questions, not because she needs to know everything but because she genuinely cares to know about everyone.  You feel comfortable talking about anything and everything with her…”

“One thing I really admire about Sandra is that she is a person who minds her own business.  She knows what she needs to do, and cuts right through the drama and gossip to get it done.  Sandra brings peace wherever she goes…”

“From the minute Sandra walked into that tent, you could feel that she was completely unassuming…”

And although there were a lot more “Sandra is beautiful” comments in there, which I always appreciate, my absolute favourite was a story that Abdul shared. 

Abdul and I only worked together for one shift before he was out on standby.  That meant we spent 7 hours together in my month at the ETC. Last week, I started to co-facilitate a resume workshop for the local staff that had been put on standby.  The first day, there was a communication error and we had 47 participants in one session and only 4 in another.  Adbul and Sandi, both staff on my team, attended the second one. I hadn’t seen either of them since the reduction.  We had three facilitators in the room and one participant when Abdul walked in.  I was so happy to see him.  This is the part of the story he shared…

“When I walked into that empty room, I was very uncomfortable. I didn’t know the other facilitators and I didn’t think Sandra would remember me because our time was brief.  I didn’t want to have to introduce myself.  Before I could even sit down or say anything, Sandra turned to me with a big smile on her face and then said to everyone, “this is Abdul, he is part of my team.”  She really touched me with that and lit up my heart.  She knows exactly what to do without ever being asked…”

That was beautiful. The whole thing was beautiful.  Not one piece of criticism, not one negative thought or feeling, just love.  I felt myself getting emotional as I thanked them all and told them what an honour it had been to spend the last month as part of their family.

The program went on. 

Ernest gave a brief history of Sierra Leone, how the civil war started and ended, the positives and negatives that came from the war and finally moving in to the historical corruption in the country. 

This was the perfect Segway to Michael’s brief snapshot of how the government in Sierra Leone works, the current political situation, hopes for the future, and some info on the situation with the Vice President that has escalated into us being on a heightened security, limited movement, lockdown of sort.  (Google it for more info, I don’t want to get into this now. Don’t tell my mother though, she worries). 

Next up was Abdul. He’s the comedian of the bunch so his role was to tell a few jokes.  This program continues to be awesome. 

Then we did the do’s and dont’s of my colleague.  It started with “he has a very flat personality…”  I started to worry that this might not end well but it was also full of love and all criticism was completely constructive. In all honesty, I thought they really took it easy on him.  I was glad they did because the evening was great.  Sandi ended us off with a Christian prayer, Ibrahim gave us the Muslim prayer and we all kept Jestina in our thoughts; the only missing team member who is currently struggling with a medical emergency in her family.

We said our goodbyes and my colleague and I sat and waited for the car.  The first thing out of his mouth almost ruined a perfect evening.  After what had just happened, I refused to allow any of his negative energy bother me. 

Today almost sucked, but it didn’t.